Things we love as a child
A little brown bear with mismatched button eyes
With a flat snout from being hugged, given as a surprise
Born from my dad’s attempt to sew in hospital years ago
The only connection with an absent father I did not know
Another comfort was a one blue blanky
Dragged about as a well-loved hanky
So grim that when washed it fell apart
A new one was made but with no heart.
Guess who has a fantastic miracle worker who restored her website to her last night? Bless all Brians.
Anyways I wanted to upload this peom. It’s been burning at me for months with the all consuming grief that has afflicted my world. And its probably petty and not the best way to reintroduce myself but I still feel this way a year later.
Hatred
A palliative nurse, cold and corrupt
Told my terminally ill friend that her time was up
Ellie asked “Is there something that will help? I’m terribly sore’
The nurse said ‘There’s no point, you’re halfway out the door
Ellie lost immediate hope and died later
And I swore that nurse Stacey – I will always hate her
Question 1 was answered here. https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/24/82/
Question 2 was answered here. https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/26/question-2/
So we are now at question
Well for a start, yet again, I have asked the wrong question. Question 2 created the Blurb (back of the book), Question 1 explained a Pitch so Question 3 should actually be:-
3. How do I write a Synopsis?
Firstly you might not realise it yet but you need a Synopsis to submit to a Publisher.
Nowadays (2016 anyways) many/most Publishers (sometimes called Publishing Houses) no longer accept direct submissions (even if you have wrote the best book in the World). And the same applies if you are trying to get a Literary Agent. Bottom Line seems to be – Nobody has the Time.
So you need to have a kickass Cover Letter and a Super Synopsis instead. (I know – It really does feel like ‘brown trousers’ time). This is all about making ‘First Contact’ (like with aliens only slightly scarier and involving less Tribbles. If you got the ‘Tribble-joke’ ….Marry Me?)
But! The good news is that if you already have a Blurb or a Pitch – you’re not starting from scratch.
Start with a Brief Summary of your Novel
Lets get the lengths right first (remember: Nobody has the Time…apparently).
A brief summary should be about 40 – 80 words. Make them count (no pressure). This should also be familiar if you read Question 1 or 2.
I would start with Title (Concepts), Genre (I still have problems with this but, long sigh: Fantasy Drama with a dash of Dark Humour), Type (Novel), Protagonist (Main Character), Situation (could be location or situation or both), What (is vaguely going to happen), Why (it’s an issue worth reading 200 pages about) and hopeful Outcome (WITHOUT spoilers, vague intention of outcome).
Don’t ramble, repeat or regress during this. Be Brave.
Now go for a Tea/Coffee break (you’re gonna need the caffeine)
Detailed Synopsis
Don’t be excited by the word ‘Detailed’ – we are looking at about 500 words here (well 400-500).
This involves skill and (if you’ve been writing for a wee while you will understand the next word:) FLOW.
Flow is everything. I have to be honest – It always has been and always will be. Flow in dialogue, Flow in poetry, Flow in scripts.
It is pretty much all that matters. Which is a slight problem because you either have it or you don’t. For the purpose of this post – we’re just going to assume we’ve both got it.
Yes you should reiterate everything in the summary (in a stylish flow) but then you have an opportunity to hook the Reader to your main character and then detail the journey from A (the beginning) to B (the end) with any interesting moments and twists that might arise. Oh and if there are other significant characters – Now is the time to slip them in. Keep it all interesting, engaging and awesome. Show your Flow (eww…that sounds wrong coming from a female writer…lol).
It is an opportunity to show flares of drama, twinkles of twists and convey the Atmosphere and Spirit of your story. You’ll be fiiinne (takes a sip of coffee whilst averting my eyes).
Once you’ve got that out of the way and since we were discussing that the Synopsis is now accepted inplace of a full blown submission – You will need a Cover Letter.
Cover Letters. Urgh. I know. I know. You’ve just been through Hell trying to condense your Baby into a Synopsis but we might as well discuss a Cover Letter to go with your child.
Cover Letter
I have read…so many mind numbingly boring Cover Letters. I think the general logic is ‘Stay Safe’ but I don’t think that this is where to stay safe. It also doesn’t need to be dangerous. Just remember what you want to say and to use your voice.
And that my friends is ‘First Contact’. Or what is called a ‘Novel Query’.
1. There is no actual correct way to write to a Publisher. Every blog says different things implying that the safest option is a blank piece of paper with ‘please’ scrawled on it next to an overly optimistic mobile number. But seriously – Read their Guidelines (there is NO way to create a copy and paste template for Cover Letters for this caper – and maybe that is a good thing)
2. #bookstagram is a ‘thing’
3. Getting published, no matter whose blog you read, seems to actually involve a lot of expense.
£37 for 2 books that are basically a Publisher/Agent Contact List,
Writing Conferences at £198 a pop (and that’s the cheaper end of that spectrum),
Competitions that require an entry fee
and an unquantifiable volume of printer ink because the Publishing World is trapped in the 1920s.
It is actually very irritating and if I ever do make money I think I will setup a Fund to help Writers do things like this…because it is starting to feel very elitist.
Unfortunately the closest fund for myself is Creative Scotland…whose selection process is legendarily (in my own and MANY other peoples’ humble opinion)… >searches for the least offensive term< internal. On a less joking side – there is probably a higher chance of winning money from the lottery than getting the support of Creative Scotland*. The process will also introduce you to a world of Hellish Jargon rivalled only by the Latin used in Medical Degrees.
*Having done research, you have less than a 1 in 10 chance of getting any funding from Creative Scotland. And the process is no less of a joke than it was a decade ago. 19 page Form of jargon with an accompanying ‘Help’ booklet of 23 pages, A ‘Budget’ booklet (they have many other booklets for various aspects) of 13 pages etc (Although it is part funded by the National Lottery…so in theory your chances of getting that Lottery money are equalised during the process. It’s good to know millions of pounds of ‘Reform’ has led to…well no change whatsoever from when I was a kid.
4. Literary Agent – you might need one of those.
I was watching….well everything.
I still think Zoom is either Barry’s Dad or Joe and I still think for the sake of drama – the latter would be far more interesting. I enjoyed X-Files and I think, collectively, it’s met expectations. I enjoyed watching Damon go dark side but Vampire Diaries (obviously because of its target demographic) never quite goes for the kill (pun-tastic). Arrow was moody as always (zzzzz). Lucifer…is exceeding all expectations. I could write an entire article on how well written and acted it is – but I’ll refrain. Agent Carter is still underrated and better than Agent of Shields (there I said it). Second Chance is OK and it earns a parking spot in my heart for Tim DeKay (White Collar). Suits – I am starting to hate Mike…who I loved in season 1 and now can’t seem to cope with (Harvey please punch him – I, and the rest of the world, won’t hold it against you). Teen Wolf…still no Derek. My interest is waning like the moon. Supernatural – good but not enough Castiel or Cascifer (I have no idea what phrase the fandom is using) And Limitless is still holding strong.
The above paragraph tells me one thing – I watch too much TV and have not been writing enough. I find that TV actually halts my creative process and actually numbs my brain slightly. So I’ve decided to Stop It All for the Rest of February.
My theory is that if I want to amuse myself – I’ll have to write something to do that. No PlayStation, no reading, no TV, no Netflix et al.
Because I actually enjoy writing but I am a procrastinator. Once I get started I am fine – It’s the getting started. I thought I was putting too much pressure on myself but I think it might be that the noise of our world makes it difficult to create my world and I need to focus.
Starting from Now.
I sooo (note the three ‘ooo’s) thought I would ace this task and I really didn’t. The original plan was to Tweet as Normal and hashtag it so that I could find the useful ones and then rearrange them into a poem or at least get some flow or cypher to them. That did not happen! I tried – The attempts were crap so here are just the tweets-
Wednesday:- I watched a show called ‘Life Hacks’ but it came across as common sense mixed with physics. #HWweek
Thursday:- Spent the day wondering how an alien would react to basic things; gravity, air, temperature, weather and TV (the core Earth aspects)
Friday:- Tried to be romantic on Friday. This sentence is how far I got:- “The urge to drop my trousers grows dimmer the longer we speak”
Saturday:- Spent the day writing about deserts…least I thought I did until I realised I had been writing about wind swept desserts #HWweek
Sunday:- Never got far on Sunday. Tried to research Proof Readers, visited Gran – sponge wake was good. Never found a Proof Reader #HWweek
Monday:- I gave her fifty pence for a newspaper and she came back with a Labrador – I’m still waiting for the newspaper
Tuesday:- Which brings us to Today – #PancakeDay. The day where I murder 12+ pancakes and eat pancake ash all mornning #HWweek
Today I joined a Writing Group. I have to admit I was kind of terrified. Mostly because I don’t like humans very much (which given the planet I live on is really an issue I need to overcome).
I also make a terrible first impression and tend to sabotage myself. The humour, which you see on Twitter, becomes uncomfortably dark and my ability to alienate myself levels up exponentially.
But it went well.
I knew it wouldn’t have any younger members because it was in the afternoon and I prefer the wisdom of older people in any case. Older people tend to have learned kindness which is far safer than instinctual kindness. By the time you reach a certain age, you’ve installed a code of conduct onto yourself – values. This means that people don’t tend to be total arseholes. Younger people can be reckless under the guise of honesty when in fact it is just bad impulse control and poor judgement.
Everyone was armed with pads and pens and thankfully I had brought those to ‘blend in’. The laptop sitting in my backpack was ignored for 2 hours. We missed each other.
I won’t lie – I did not make a great impression. I knocked over someone’s water, burned bright red whilst reading out the shortest piece of writing (outside of Twitter) that I have ever created and wanted to shrivel up on numerous occasions and evaporate into dust.
But the Tutor/Facilitator – He was pretty damn amazing. I could learn a lot from him. He had a great ability to create a good atmosphere and promote thinking.
He had me considering things that I have never ever thought about before.
The Group Session was about Tradition, History and Roots – all topics which I…struggle to connect to as I do not have a strong family dynamic and mostly raised myself.
And most of the group were talking about Traditions that were created long before I was even born. But it was interesting. It was interesting how the group could connect with each other and relate to each other because they are all from a similar…era (oh that sounds rude and bad. It is not intended that way). In comparison (and don’t kid yourself – we all run subconscious and conscious comparisons in any group situation) I stood out like a sore thumb.
But like I said – the Tutor was a great man. Even a day later, I am still pondering things about the concept of ‘Tradition’ which I have never dwelled on before.
I do need to improve my writing but I must also improve myself. I think this group might help this development.
Oh, and I wrote this (it’s awful but maybe in a year from now we can all go ‘Whoa – look how you improved!)
Engineers and Mathematicians
Fleeing Wars to find Home
Only to be lost in the cold
And Coughed up on the West Coast
Near Oceans and Salt
Traditions of hard work or blending
Settling Down in Schemes
The roots belong to a different Forest.
It’s a bit random. But my family is broken and never recovered from fleeing the World Wars. And I see the world repeat its hatred of refugees without realising the knowledge and riches they could gain from new people. Without getting too into politics – I wish that the world could retain knowledge of past mistakes and break the cycle of ignorance that always comes round.
Question 2. How do you summarise a book without…well…ruining it
First thing I realised about this question is that I was asking the wrong question. What I am looking for is how to explain my story on the back of the book.
Unhelpfully known as ‘The Blurb’.
Now if you have a Pitch (see Question 1: https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/24/82/ )– you actually have a blurb ready. A blurb (no matter how other blogs try and dress it up) is a Pitch. A written one.
In the last post I focused on the Verbal Pitch. This time it’s about the Written Pitch.
It seems to follow the same pattern though –
Since we all know that I’m procrastinating (see every tweet I’ve ever tweeted @wrytes2016), I should at least go through the process itself.
First I need a Tagline:-
So why is Death, one of the most powerful Concepts in creation, on a drip in a hospital?
He was meant to have the answers; instead he didn’t have a clue.
We all start somewhere, but who knows when to stop.
His mind is fractured, but his Power is absolute.
For the Blurb…urgh can we call it something else? Something better than blurb? Blurb sounds like how writers should fart (grim but accurate).
Let’s call it a Book Blast since that is essentially what it is.
So the Book Blast content should contain the main Protagonist, Location/Setting, Hyperbole, Problem and Solution.
It should be about 150-200 words.
Applying that to my story; Concepts A – it should read.
Luke Pestilence [protagonist] sits in a burning desert [vague suggestion of environment] watching his fate tumble from the sky [about as much hyperbole as I can manage]. He hopes for the answers to his own mysterious powers [the problem] and the location of his sister – what he gets is a shambolic brother with a fractured mind and his own agenda [the solution].
Ok that might be the worst Blast in history. Let’s try this again.
Four People, Four Powers and Four Agendas. [tagline]
He knew something was going to change; he could feel it in his blood and see it written on his skin [protagonist]. Part of him wished to continue his irresponsible simple life but a larger part wanted answers. [problem]
Luke Pestilence watched the screaming skies swirl above him and his fate fall from the darkened sky [hyperbole].
But as the answers give way to more questions and with a brother trailblazing havoc, Pestilence struggles to understand what the hell is actually happening and who he can actually trust [solution].
Ok I have introduced you too the second worst blurb in history. Third time lucky? Maybe a fusion of the two.
Luke Pestilence [protagonist] sits in a burning desert [setting/location]watching his fate tumble from the sky. As his simple human life burns to as [hyperbole]h, he hopes for the answers to his own mysterious powers [problem]– what he gets is a shambolic brother with a fractured mind and his own agenda. [solution]
Hm…ok we have 53 words. That is quite short compared to the 150 that I would need here.
Let’s take a break to talk about something I found useful last year (go make a cuppa tea and come back whilst I ponder on our next course of Book Blast action)…(seriously go – stop reading – it is time for a cup of tea or coffee….this is serious business) –
BREAKTIME: Whilst you sip your tea, let’s talk about Nanowrimo. #Nanowrimo (as it is hashtagged) is actually National November Writing Month and it is great for kicking your ass into gear. It encourages you to write a little bit of your novel each day (about 1680 words a day) and encourages a Community involvement. A Community is good because it creates Accountability. I must admit I attended Nanowrimo meet-ups and it was very good and fun. I felt a little abandoned once it was all over but I had certainly created my novel (or at least a very damn good outline).
I have to also admit that I originally thought that Nanowrimo was quite gimmicky – I will always admit when I am wrong. I was wrong. For me, although it might not be the same for everyone, it kicked me into gear.
Nanowrimo has actually been vital in getting me to this stage to start with and more so – before you start your Nanowrimo you have to enter a description of your novel. Sometimes that description changes but it is useful to look back on.
BREAKTIME OVER.
For Concepts the original description was:
The final one has fallen. All the questions should now be answered. So why is Death, one of the most powerful Concepts in creation, on a drip in a hospital?
That reads like a tagline hybrid…a bad one. But it does create mystery.
>sigh< There’s no way around this. I can’t write to Publishers at all without nailing this. And I certainly can’t sell a book without a description.
Ok Internet….any advice here for Question 2: The Back of the Book (part one)?
I have about a thousand questions re. Publishing which really do demonstrate my ignorance but since I plan on excelling this year – I suppose starting off a bit stupid means the only way is up.
Tonight I did not write. Instead I started to try and figure out the answers to many questions
This post will deal with Number 1: What is a Pitch (gathered from days of reading publishers blogs and writers pitches)
So
Since I don’t want an Agent (see I know one thing) (and I cannot afford one)– we’ll just focus on the Publisher.
A pitch can be written or spoken. Apparently you learn a lot about pitches from Writers Conferences….well I can’t afford the cost of getting there, travelling and being able to eat at the same time. I also live in Scotland. And for some reason in my small, yet epic country, most of those conferences seem to be in September. It is January – I am not waiting.
I did find one in March but the website was appallingly out of date and looked like it was made during a Demo to basic HTML seminar which did not reassure me.
It also looks like, at least where I live, that whilst it’s not mandatory to join a Writing Group – it’s made damn difficult to attend any Writing Conferences without a club membership.
If you are like me and simply can’t afford it – there are Novel pitches (of varying qualities) on YouTube that are worth checking out (and useful for working out what to do and what not to do).
Right so back to basics – Apparently the best pitches (according to all of the many sites I visited) have great Taglines.
You might be familiar to Taglines because Movies have those.
Alien vs. Predator (2004) – “Whoever wins, we lose.”
Arachnophobia (1990) – “Eight legs, two fangs, and an attitude.”
The Big Lebowski (1998) – “Her life was in their hands. Now her toe is in the mail.”
Catch Me If You Can (2002) – “The true story of a real fake.”
And so on. You get the idea. A Tagline, in a weird way, does actually contain quite a lot of information. Take the shortest one there, Aliens vs. Predator “Whoever wins, we lose”. You can assume that the ‘we’ is humanity. So it does imply a scary outside force – alien in nature at the very least. We know that there are at least two scary Protagonists. And we know that our entire species is screwed regardless of outcome. I’ve never watched those Movies (ducks and hides under a box) but that is what I’m assuming.
By applying that method guide, you have a Protagonist/s and the Problem in the tagline.
Whilst I don’t have a Tagline yet, I could probably work on –
So why is Death, one of the most powerful Concepts in creation, on a drip in a hospital?
Or
He didn’t solve their problems – he started them
Or
Powerful enough to change physics, Weak enough to make Mistakes.
Or
He fell and unravelled reality. He claims it was an oversight.
You get the idea. It actually becomes surprisingly easy once you get started. Maybe in ten or twenty years I will find a decent tagline.
There is another form of ‘Tagline’. And I do not personally like it but I should mention it just to put it out there– The Hollywood Approach. And they look like this – Sherlock Holmes meets Armageddon or Avatar meets Jane Austen or Shades of Grey meets a Good Writer. You get the idea (the last one was just a joke). The Hollywood approach is where you merge well known works to describe your work. I don’t like it.
Moving On.
The core of your pitch which we’ll call GRAB (I know terrible phrasing) is basically an embellished intro to the heart of your books conflict ie. it is about your main character and their struggles. It also demonstrates why people buy trashy magazines –
We want drama and conflict.
And so do Readers – even if it’s written with Dickensian wit, Pratchett Prose (I miss you so much) or Edgar Allan Poe atmosphere. We want Conflict. Without getting too philosophical – look at the state we’ve put this planet into. We want drama.
Focus on the core, the heart, the crux of your story.
Which is quite hard to do.
My story might be about supernatural powers and the inevitable threat to existence itself but…really…strip it back…it’s about a Family (a damn weird, broken, confused yet slightly epic Family).
Your grab, your crux, the heart – that is your Hook (according to half of google and Publishers blogs).
It’s like Extreme Fishing/the board game ‘Operation’ combined. You are essentially trying to reach the heart of your publisher, squeeze it to get their attention and then pull slightly so that after you leave – they never forget the feeling (and you can tell I’ve been reading a Horror Novel today).
Timing:-
Your pitch cannot last 40 hours. It has to be quick (much like my ex-boyfriend but with more significance).
We are literally talking 3 minutes at a Pitch Fest. These are busy people. They need to get to know your Protagonist but not what your Protagonist would eat for breakfast (mine doesn’t eat breakfast because he sleeps late).
But don’t rush (yes I am aware of the paradox). Just make sure that what you say is vital and memorable. Practice your pitch with honest friends (not the ones who enjoy being asses or the ones that are too nice – you are looking for your most honest friends or a Writing Group -a good one).
A novel pitch actually seems to follow most types of creative pitches – Who it is about (Protagonist), What is the Problem? What are the Consequences of decisions?
So the Layout of a Pitch:-
TAGline (hook em!)
GRAB the Heart (tell them about the Protagonist/s and why they should care)
DRAMA! (The conflict of your story – what is DRIVING your characters)
RESOLVE – often miswritten (only in my opinion) as ‘the Resolution’. Resolve should not actually reveal the ending. It should say what you would need to do to resolve the issue.
e.g. (not the greatest literally example on the planet) – In order to save his sister, Luke needs to work with his demented, quirky, inhuman brother and try to avoid being murdered by a private army.
Ok so I need to work on my pitch. But you get the vague idea. It doesn’t reveal the ending but does suggest the path.
So –TAG, GRAB, DRAMA!, RESOLVE.
It kind of looks like a ballet routine.
Length:-
TAGline can be (looks at novels in my library and various publishers) about 10-25 words or 2 sentences, preferably 1.
GRAB (your protagonist, why the reader/audience should care) – 4 to 6 sentences?-ish
DRAMA! (the problem) – You could probably get that to 2 sentences.
RESOLVE (NOT your ending just your pathway)– Could be 1-2 sentences.
I am also aware that people write different length sentences. I have a friend that does one sentence paragraphs (I do not enjoy beta reading their stuff). Best solution is to Practice and Time your pitch. 3 minutes for a Pitch Fest, 5 for a Writers Conference and 10 for a smaller group or meeting. Practice ALL THREE VERSIONS. Be Adaptable.
If you cannot Adapt your Pitch to the Audience’s needs at the time – you’re in trouble. And what is worse – YOU will know you are in trouble. And once you know you’re in trouble – you’re gonna (unless you are a ninja or an assassin) make mistakes. PRACTICE. And Practice Variants.
All the guides I’ve read seem to say the same thing – DO NOT OVER COMPLICATE THIS!
And I can see their point. After 300 words (which should be your maximum btw) no one is listening. Hell, they are probably checking their phones wondering how long it would take for their entire life to flash before their eyes. And…you want them to want more. Do not overdo it. It is better that they have questions than deafening silence with a bored glazed stare.
Another glitch that lots of readers and publishers seem to avoid or want to avoid (during a pitch), respectively, are Subplots.
We all have them. But in a pitch – you must focus.
FOCUS!
Subplots are great and they evolve. Hell some subplots in book 1 become the main force by book 3. But you are pitching Book 1. Subplots are Sub. They are not the main Plot. Focus on the main plot.
The general rule seems to be (and I could be wrong but there is a shaky consensus here) – If you cannot Tagline, Grab/Drama and Resolve – then you are not focused enough. And if you are unable to focus, it is heavily implied online – that you’re not ready.
Which means…I’m not ready. Shit.
Well at least question 1 is answered.
I could blame the toothache, the jippy stomach, vodafone or the weather on my lack of progress writing. But I would be kidding all of us. I have Writers Block.
The ultimate disease for a writer; itchier and more irritating than Athletes Foot.
There I said it. I do not feel better for saying it aloud but it is now out there. I have admitted it. Over the past 4 days I have managed 2316 words. 16 are usable.
I also discovered that I was projecting my mood onto my characters, which would fine if it was appropriate for the story but it was not.
For example, today:
I started looking at art and peoples’ doodles, works and short ramblings. That helped. It didn’t inspire anything (my brain knows what I have to write already – it just doesn’t know how to do it) but it did help clear my muddle of chaos slightly.
I watched Netflix – a critical mistake on my part. I watched a mind-numbing drama called 90210 – oh dear. Society…when did it come to this? >shakes head< Oh dear.
Made Mango tea with honey (to try and help my stomach) – It made no difference. (Wouldn’t it be amazing if it did cure Writers Block though? I would be a Millionaire by Tuesday).
I fear I will just have to let it pass. And it will pass. Everything does eventually. It’ll be gone by tomorrow?…right?