Question 3

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Question 1 was answered here. https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/24/82/

Question 2 was answered here. https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/26/question-2/

So we are now at question

  1. Is there a difference between the description at the back of the book and a summary?

Well for a start, yet again, I have asked the wrong question. Question 2 created the Blurb (back of the book), Question 1 explained a Pitch so Question 3 should actually be:-

3. How do I write a Synopsis?

Firstly you might not realise it yet but you need a Synopsis to submit to a Publisher.

Nowadays (2016 anyways) many/most Publishers (sometimes called Publishing Houses) no longer accept direct submissions (even if you have wrote the best book in the World). And the same applies if you are trying to get a Literary Agent. Bottom Line seems to be – Nobody has the Time.

So you need to have a kickass Cover Letter and a Super Synopsis instead. (I know – It really does feel like ‘brown trousers’ time). This is all about making ‘First Contact’ (like with aliens only slightly scarier and involving less Tribbles. If you got the ‘Tribble-joke’ ….Marry Me?)

But! The good news is that if you already have a Blurb or a Pitch – you’re not starting from scratch.

Start with a Brief Summary of your Novel

Lets get the lengths right first (remember: Nobody has the Time…apparently).

A brief summary should be about 40 – 80 words. Make them count (no pressure). This should also be familiar if you read Question 1 or 2.

I would start with Title (Concepts), Genre (I still have problems with this but, long sigh: Fantasy Drama with a dash of Dark Humour), Type (Novel), Protagonist (Main Character), Situation (could be location or situation or both), What (is vaguely going to happen), Why (it’s an issue worth reading 200 pages about) and hopeful Outcome (WITHOUT spoilers, vague intention of outcome).

Don’t ramble, repeat or regress during this. Be Brave.

Now go for a Tea/Coffee break (you’re gonna need the caffeine)

Detailed Synopsis

Don’t be excited by the word ‘Detailed’ – we are looking at about 500 words here (well 400-500).

This involves skill and (if you’ve been writing for a wee while you will understand the next word:) FLOW.

Flow is everything. I have to be honest – It always has been and always will be. Flow in dialogue, Flow in poetry, Flow in scripts.

It is pretty much all that matters. Which is a slight problem because you either have it or you don’t. For the purpose of this post – we’re just going to assume we’ve both got it.

Yes you should reiterate everything in the summary (in a stylish flow) but then you have an opportunity to hook the Reader to your main character and then detail the journey from A (the beginning) to B (the end) with any interesting moments and twists that might arise. Oh and if there are other significant characters – Now is the time to slip them in. Keep it all interesting, engaging and awesome. Show your Flow (eww…that sounds wrong coming from a female writer…lol).

It is an opportunity to show flares of drama, twinkles of twists and convey the Atmosphere and Spirit of your story. You’ll be fiiinne (takes a sip of coffee whilst averting my eyes).

Once you’ve got that out of the way and since we were discussing that the Synopsis is now accepted inplace of a full blown submission – You will need a Cover Letter.

Cover Letters. Urgh. I know. I know. You’ve just been through Hell trying to condense your Baby into a Synopsis but we might as well discuss a Cover Letter to go with your child.

Cover Letter

I have read…so many mind numbingly boring Cover Letters. I think the general logic is ‘Stay Safe’ but I don’t think that this is where to stay safe.  It also doesn’t need to be dangerous. Just remember what you want to say and to use your voice.

  1. Find out WHO you are writing to. Do not start with the phrase (regardless of my joke Tweets) with the phrase ‘Dear Publisher’ or worst ‘Dear Pub’. Do some homework. Do NOT misspell their name. Infact – get someone to proof read your entire cover letter etc for any errors. If you’ve met them before (at a conference etc) – personalise the letter (not too much) – just enough to explain
  2. First Section – Introduce yourself. They don’t need to know what you ate for breakfast – They just want to know who is writing to them – Your Name, any Experience/Work (if related to writing – NOT A CV) awards/credits etc.
  3. Second Section – Your Book. Title, why you wrote it, what makes it interesting/awesome (genre, target audience, if you did any research etc – keep it short)
  4. Third Section – That summary you wrote earlier? Now is the time to deploy it.
  5. Fourth – Say if you are enclosing anything with your letter. THIS is where you submit whatever the Publishers Submission Guidelines ask you for – if they want a Synopsis, a Chapter etc – whatever they say.
  6. Thank them for taking the time to read your letter.
  7. Lets talk about presentation. This is usually in their Submission Guidelines but a safe bet is – quality paper, typed and include a stamped and self-addressed envelop. You want it typed on a computer (no handwriting).
  8. What about email? Well this is where a grey area occurs. It seems that the Publishing World…is about 10 yrs behind all other Worlds. It used to be ‘rude’ to cold email but a few people are now suggesting that it is ‘OK’ as long as it is kept ‘short’ and your cover letter is in the body of the email (not as an attachment…which makes sense). They (infact nobody) will open a blank email.
  9. Keep track of what you are doing. Do not email 3 agents for the same Publishing House with the same story etc.
  10. Even if you wrote to them, remember to include your email on your Contact details at the bottom of your letter.

And that my friends is ‘First Contact’.  Or what is called a ‘Novel Query’.

I Did Not Pick Up the Milk (& I want my Nipple Back)

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Short Story // Category: Humour // Title: I Did Not Pick Up the Milk (& I want my Nipple Back)

 

“I lost half a nipple and gouged a chunk of labia today – so no; I didn’t pick up the damn milk!”

I used to be a fairly laid back person. But when my new flatmate; the messy, moody, moaner of a mortal moved in – nothing could prepare me for the daily trip over haphazardly abandoned shoes, half-drunk cans of cola that seemed to breed across our dwelling or a bathroom filled with enough deodorant cans that, had they contained the required chemicals, could have punched another hole into the Earth’s Atmosphere.

By month three I was developing a nervous tick. Even the therapeutic blasting of zombies on a games console couldn’t dull the transition into The Land of Uptight.

I woke up agitated (my new normal now) and decided to have a shower. The bathroom was not the harmonic soul soothing environment it once was. A warzone of Products, bastions of bubble baths and more sponges than what could be reasonably be attributed to two people. It all made me pause and narrow one eye with fake acceptance verbally released in a bitter sigh.

Yet soon enough water was rolling from the shower, steam was rising and my jaw unlocked from chewing on imaginary resentment provoked by mess-laced nightmares.

I focused on the sound of running water and heat. Any distractions were gently carried down a drain as my muscles reached a slumped hazy state of existence.

Finally relaxed, I washed my hair. Strawberry scented joy danced in the air. But as I turned around to rinse any bubbles from my face, I came in contact with a shower shelf. The chest height shelf was not the problem – the new unfamiliar pink razor on it was. With eyes shut to guard against bubbles, I felt a sharp and quite sting on my chest.

The blade caught on my nibble and as I tried to pull back, to avoid what was already a foregone conclusion, I tangle-twisted wrong and started to fall. As eyes flew open into the sting, I began a slow stupid fall.

A desperate yet poorly processed plan to stop the slip by getting one leg out of the bath and onto solid ground was misjudged. Having managed my acrobatic manoeuvre, one leg was steady but the other leg buckled in the death slide of strawberry-shampoo covered bath floor and I ended up falling onto the side of the bath and onto another bloody razor.

Who needs more than one razor at a time?!

In my short life I have been hit by a car, broken an arm, twisted an ankle, fallen off a waterfall, snowboarded into a tree and fallen through ice – so when I say that a razor cutting off a piece on my labia was the second most painful experience of my life; I mean it with every fibre of my experientially maimed soul.

Then it got worse.

There was blood everywhere. My dignity had evaporated faster than Vol-au-Vents at a party.

But I couldn’t think. How my body multi-tasked agony and breathing is still a mystery.

I panicked and searched for anything to help. I thought I was going to be sick. I grabbed, what I thought was a tube of Antiseptic Numbing Cream (my eyes still affected by bubbles) and basically squeezed half a tube onto the bloody gouged wound with residual hanging skin.

It was Gum Gel – mentholated salt choline salicylate with cetalkonium chloride. Menthol.

Menthol.

Mentholated.

Menthol + Open Wound.

Menthol.

This brings us the No. 1 Ranked most painful experience of my life.

My vision went white before I had even worked out my mistake. Then I woke up, sprawled on a misty floor covered in my own sick with a cat (not a euphemism) purring next to my ear.

My eyes and nose were running. I was a prone body that begged for a chalk outline. Of course; the phone started ringing. I wobble-crawled, accompanied by my feline buddy, at the crossroads between purgatory and Hell, to answer the phone.

I don’t clearly remember that conversation but it went something like this

“Are you due in the Office today?” it was my boss.

Plucked from the fog within my head – “Lost m’ nipple”

“Ok” my boss, a lovely dignified gentleman near retirement age “I think…”

“It was m’ favourite nipple!” interrupted with passion.

“I think I’ll call back later. You get some rest” with a hesitantly added “maybe call a doctor”.

“It had a name” with the hint of a sniffle “Rafferty Esmerelda the Third!” but the phone had gone dead.

I threw up, the cat left. I was still burning and ran a cold bath as fast as humanly possible – hoping for some sort of numbing effect.

Leaping in just as the front door was unlocked and that flatmate from Hell wandered in with a happy, cheerful, chirp of a “You taking a half day?” and not even bothering to wait for my strangled-in-rage reply “Did you buy any milk? We’re out”

“I lost half a nipple and gouged a chunk of labia today – so no; I didn’t pick up the damn milk!”

Things I have Learned this Week

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1. There is no actual correct way to write to a Publisher. Every blog says different things implying that the safest option is a blank piece of paper with ‘please’ scrawled on it next to an overly optimistic mobile number. But seriously – Read their Guidelines (there is NO way to create a copy and paste template for Cover Letters for this caper – and maybe that is a good thing)

 

2. #bookstagram is a ‘thing’

 

3. Getting published, no matter whose blog you read, seems to actually involve a lot of expense.

£37 for 2 books that are basically a Publisher/Agent Contact List,

Writing Conferences at £198 a pop (and that’s the cheaper end of that spectrum),

Competitions that require an entry fee

and an unquantifiable volume of printer ink because the Publishing World is trapped in the 1920s.

It is actually very irritating and if I ever do make money I think I will setup a Fund to help Writers do things like this…because it is starting to feel very elitist.

Unfortunately the closest fund for myself is Creative Scotland…whose selection process is legendarily (in my own and MANY other peoples’ humble opinion)… >searches for the least offensive term< internal. On a less joking side – there is probably a higher chance of winning money from the lottery than getting the support of Creative Scotland*. The process will also introduce you to a world of Hellish Jargon rivalled only by the Latin used in Medical Degrees.

*Having done research, you have less than a 1 in 10 chance of getting any funding from Creative Scotland. And the process is no less of a joke than it was a decade ago. 19 page Form of jargon with an accompanying ‘Help’ booklet of 23 pages, A ‘Budget’ booklet (they have many other booklets for various aspects) of 13 pages etc (Although it is part funded by the National Lottery…so in theory your chances of getting that Lottery money are equalised during the process.  It’s good to know millions of pounds of ‘Reform’ has led to…well no change whatsoever from when I was a kid.

 

4. Literary Agent – you might need one of those.

 

 

An Attempt at a Sestina

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I’m not sure if it is completely ‘right’ as it is done to a very structured strict pattern that has to be followed (see the bottom bit with the colour code) but here is my first attempt at a Sestina.

 

Time (my first ever attempt at a Sestina)

 

What we had at the beginning was Memory

Living and forming with dawning Hopes

In ever changing dynamic Dreams

Back when there was always more Time

Almost with an unreachable intangible Future

Where we were always connected Together

 

For as long as allowed we stood Together

Creating conflicts which fade within Memory

Consciously choosing a happier Future

And bending all of our compromised Hopes

With the inevitable start of losing Time

But a small part holds onto the Dreams

 

Slipping further and living in bright Dreams

Some plans fall apart whilst others come Together

And the world speeds up into ever lessening Time

Where situations become frozen stills of Memory

But in amongst the chaos lives our Hopes

And what was once a concept is now a real Future

 

Then it is here – the Future

Time for thoughts to be real or remain Dreams

A decision on the validity of certain Hopes

And older travellers cannot always remain Together

Holding onto only a distinct Memory

As we push forward at the mercy of Time

 

A paradox of too much and too little Time

Crushes out the frustrated Future

The most valuable treasure becomes Memory

Yet we rely and delve further into Dreams

Wishing to reunite and be Together

Praying there is something beyond Hopes

 

The tighter we hold onto our Hopes

The more it unravels in Time

Although in the end we are Together

It is in an unpredicted Future

In a new land formed from Dreams

Locked deep within an archive of Memory

 

All of our Hopes fold into a collective Memory

And Time becomes as translucent as Dreams

Everything is reformed Together in a natural Future

 

SESTINA beat

Endless Waltz

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I’m in hospital tomorrow so I did my homework a little earlier this time (for someone that doesn’t usually write in any proses, short form or poems….I seem to be using all three recently – And rather badly, I might add).

This poem/thingy is what it is and is nothing more.

 

Endless Waltz

 

For meaningful love to withstand- the fantasy must dissolve

Leaving you standing in a scarcely advertised desolation

Seeing and speaking to another as nothing but yourself

Without the glittering glare of skewed expectations

With a small human sneeze that says “It is Ok – to just be Real”

 

Reality should triumph with love growing strong

But the dance is often more important than the song

And someone has to clean up those scattered Rose petals

Before they curl away from life; rotting into brown dust

And taint the fresh fabric beneath with scattered intentions

 

Bricks used to build you up; Are the same ones you end up buried under

An open mind abruptly locks down; behind darkened eyes

The exhaustion of Love – becomes the precursor to its very demise

And the endless waltz across fairy tale pages – Stops.

Noise Pollution

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I was watching….well everything.

I still think Zoom is either Barry’s Dad or Joe and I still think for the sake of drama – the latter would be far more interesting. I enjoyed X-Files and I think, collectively, it’s met expectations. I enjoyed watching Damon go dark side but Vampire Diaries (obviously because of its target demographic) never quite goes for the kill (pun-tastic). Arrow was moody as always (zzzzz). Lucifer…is exceeding all expectations. I could write an entire article on how well written and acted it is – but I’ll refrain. Agent Carter is still underrated and better than Agent of Shields (there I said it). Second Chance is OK and it earns a parking spot in my heart for Tim DeKay (White Collar). Suits – I am starting to hate Mike…who I loved in season 1 and now can’t seem to cope with (Harvey please punch him – I, and the rest of the world, won’t hold it against you).  Teen Wolf…still no Derek. My interest is waning like the moon. Supernatural – good but not enough Castiel or Cascifer (I have no idea what phrase the fandom is using) And Limitless is still holding strong.

The above paragraph tells me one thing – I watch too much TV and have not been writing enough. I find that TV actually halts my creative process and actually numbs my brain slightly. So I’ve decided to Stop It All for the Rest of February.

My theory is that if I want to amuse myself – I’ll have to write something to do that. No PlayStation, no reading, no TV, no Netflix et al.

Because I actually enjoy writing but I am a procrastinator. Once I get started I am fine – It’s the getting started. I thought I was putting too much pressure on myself but I think it might be that the noise of our world makes it difficult to create my world and I need to focus.

Starting from Now.

My Week in Tweets

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I sooo (note the three ‘ooo’s) thought I would ace this task and I really didn’t.  The original plan was to Tweet as Normal and hashtag it so that I could find the useful ones and then rearrange them into a poem or at least get some flow or cypher to them. That did not happen! I tried – The attempts were crap so here are just the tweets-

 

Wednesday:-  I watched a show called ‘Life Hacks’ but it came across as common sense mixed with physics.  #HWweek

Thursday:- Spent the day wondering how an alien would react to basic things; gravity, air, temperature, weather and TV (the core Earth aspects)

Friday:- Tried to be romantic on Friday. This sentence is how far I got:- “The urge to drop my trousers grows dimmer the longer we speak”

Saturday:- Spent the day writing about deserts…least I thought I did until I realised I had been writing about wind swept desserts #HWweek

Sunday:- Never got far on Sunday. Tried to research Proof Readers, visited Gran – sponge wake was good. Never found a Proof Reader #HWweek

Monday:- I gave her fifty pence for a newspaper and she came back with a Labrador – I’m still waiting for the newspaper

Tuesday:- Which brings us to Today – #PancakeDay. The day where I murder 12+ pancakes and eat pancake ash all mornning #HWweek

Writing Group

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Today I joined a Writing Group. I have to admit I was kind of terrified. Mostly because I don’t like humans very much (which given the planet I live on is really an issue I need to overcome).

I also make a terrible first impression and tend to sabotage myself. The humour, which you see on Twitter, becomes uncomfortably dark and my ability to alienate myself levels up exponentially.

But it went well.

I knew it wouldn’t have any younger members because it was in the afternoon and I prefer the wisdom of older people in any case. Older people tend to have learned kindness which is far safer than instinctual kindness. By the time you reach a certain age, you’ve installed a code of conduct onto yourself – values. This means that people don’t tend to be total arseholes. Younger people can be reckless under the guise of honesty when in fact it is just bad impulse control and poor judgement.

Everyone was armed with pads and pens and thankfully I had brought those to ‘blend in’. The laptop sitting in my backpack was ignored for 2 hours. We missed each other.

I won’t lie – I did not make a great impression. I knocked over someone’s water, burned bright red whilst reading out the shortest piece of writing (outside of Twitter) that I have ever created and wanted to shrivel up on numerous occasions and evaporate into dust.

But the Tutor/Facilitator – He was pretty damn amazing. I could learn a lot from him. He had a great ability to create a good atmosphere and promote thinking.

He had me considering things that I have never ever thought about before.

The Group Session was about Tradition, History and Roots – all topics which I…struggle to connect to as I do not have a strong family dynamic and mostly raised myself.

And most of the group were talking about Traditions that were created long before I was even born. But it was interesting. It was interesting how the group could connect with each other and relate to each other because they are all from a similar…era (oh that sounds rude and bad. It is not intended that way).  In comparison (and don’t kid yourself – we all run subconscious and conscious comparisons in any group situation) I stood out like a sore thumb.

But like I said – the Tutor was a great man. Even a day later, I am still pondering things about the concept of ‘Tradition’ which I have never dwelled on before.

I do need to improve my writing but I must also improve myself. I think this group might help this development.

Oh, and I wrote this (it’s awful but maybe in a year from now we can all go ‘Whoa – look how you improved!)

 

Engineers and Mathematicians

Fleeing Wars to find Home

Only to be lost in the cold

And Coughed up on the West Coast

 

Near Oceans and Salt

Traditions of hard work or blending

Settling Down in Schemes

The roots belong to a different Forest.

 

It’s a bit random. But my family is broken and never recovered from fleeing the World Wars. And I see the world repeat its hatred of refugees without realising the knowledge and riches they could gain from new people. Without getting too into politics – I wish that the world could retain knowledge of past mistakes and break the cycle of ignorance that always comes round.

Bang Head Here

Question 2

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Question 2. How do you summarise a book without…well…ruining it

First thing I realised about this question is that I was asking the wrong question. What I am looking for is how to explain my story on the back of the book.

Unhelpfully known as ‘The Blurb’.

Now if you have a Pitch (see Question 1: https://conceptswriter.com/2016/01/24/82/ )– you actually have a blurb ready. A blurb (no matter how other blogs try and dress it up) is a Pitch. A written one.

In the last post I focused on the Verbal Pitch. This time it’s about the Written Pitch.

It seems to follow the same pattern though –

  • A Headline – Which is just a TAGLINE.
  • GRAB the Heart i.e. Why should the reader care about your character
  • DRAMA! Or A Hint of the Journey (literal or metaphoric)& Conflict
  • RESOLVE – (do not reveal the ending) A rough idea of what is needed to overcome the conflict/problem and complete the journey.

Since we all know that I’m procrastinating (see every tweet I’ve ever tweeted @wrytes2016), I should at least go through the process itself.

First I need a Tagline:-

So why is Death, one of the most powerful Concepts in creation, on a drip in a hospital?

He was meant to have the answers; instead he didn’t have a clue.

We all start somewhere, but who knows when to stop.

His mind is fractured, but his Power is absolute.

For the Blurb…urgh can we call it something else? Something better than blurb? Blurb sounds like how writers should fart (grim but accurate).

Let’s call it a Book Blast since that is essentially what it is.

So the Book Blast content should contain the main Protagonist, Location/Setting, Hyperbole, Problem and Solution.

It should be about 150-200 words.

Applying that to my story; Concepts A – it should read.

Luke Pestilence [protagonist] sits in a burning desert [vague suggestion of environment] watching his fate tumble from the sky [about as much hyperbole as I can manage]. He hopes for the answers to his own mysterious powers [the problem] and the location of his sister – what he gets is a shambolic brother with a fractured mind and his own agenda [the solution].

Ok that might be the worst Blast in history. Let’s try this again.

Four People, Four Powers and Four Agendas. [tagline]

He knew something was going to change; he could feel it in his blood and see it written on his skin [protagonist]. Part of him wished to continue his irresponsible simple life but a larger part wanted answers. [problem]

Luke Pestilence watched the screaming skies swirl above him and his fate fall from the darkened sky [hyperbole].

But as the answers give way to more questions and with a brother trailblazing havoc, Pestilence struggles to understand what the hell is actually happening and who he can actually trust [solution].

Ok I have introduced you too the second worst blurb in history. Third time lucky? Maybe a fusion of the two.

Luke Pestilence [protagonist] sits in a burning desert [setting/location]watching his fate tumble from the sky. As his simple human life burns to as [hyperbole]h, he hopes for the answers to his own mysterious powers [problem]– what he gets is a shambolic brother with a fractured mind and his own agenda. [solution]

Hm…ok we have 53 words. That is quite short compared to the 150 that I would need here.

Let’s take a break to talk about something I found useful last year (go make a cuppa tea and come back whilst I ponder on our next course of Book Blast action)…(seriously go – stop reading – it is time for a cup of tea or coffee….this is serious business) –

BREAKTIME: Whilst you sip your tea, let’s talk about Nanowrimo. #Nanowrimo (as it is hashtagged) is actually National November Writing Month and it is great for kicking your ass into gear. It encourages you to write a little bit of your novel each day (about 1680 words a day) and encourages a Community involvement. A Community is good because it creates Accountability. I must admit I attended Nanowrimo meet-ups and it was very good and fun. I felt a little abandoned once it was all over but I had certainly created my novel (or at least a very damn good outline).

I have to also admit that I originally thought that Nanowrimo was quite gimmicky – I will always admit when I am wrong. I was wrong. For me, although it might not be the same for everyone, it kicked me into gear.

Nanowrimo has actually been vital in getting me to this stage to start with and more so – before you start your Nanowrimo you have to enter a description of your novel. Sometimes that description changes but it is useful to look back on.

BREAKTIME OVER.

For Concepts the original description was:

The final one has fallen. All the questions should now be answered. So why is Death, one of the most powerful Concepts in creation, on a drip in a hospital?

That reads like a tagline hybrid…a bad one. But it does create mystery.

>sigh< There’s no way around this. I can’t write to Publishers at all without nailing this. And I certainly can’t sell a book without a description.

Ok Internet….any advice here for Question 2: The Back of the Book (part one)?